My Hip Replacement Surgery – Forward

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Hip Replacement – Foreword

If you are reading this page, it means that you, or someone close to you, has been suffering from hip pain. It also means that you probably will require hip replacement surgery.

Now that we have that out of the way…

Hip Replacement Surgery Disclaimer

You knew this was coming, but just not so early… the disclaimer. This is my story from the receiving side of the incision – your experience will probably be similar.

First, The Dog Food Disclaimer – You have heard the phrase, “Eating your own dog food.” This applies to companies, programmers and individuals (and even dog food makers) who not only create something, they actually use (or consume) their product or service. Well… I have had total replacement surgery and have lived and experienced the the total spectrum from, “Why does my hip hurt,” to “It must be a groin pull,” to “I can’t be needing a new hip,” to “Hmm, that OR nurse is kinda’ cute,” to “Gosh, there are a lot of people in this operating room,” to “Wow, the metal detector really does go off at the airport,” to my mother-in-law who said after reading this book, “You wrote this and you actually went to graduate school?” Yep, I did, and I ate the dog food – all of it. And, mostly enjoyed it.

Second, The Medical Disclaimer – Of course my experiences, medical condition and treatment are just that – mine. You need to treat what I say like unsubstantiated, whispered gossip on a Facebook page viewed in a sorority room after three bottles of wine, and treat what your orthopedic surgeon and medical team tell you as your guideline and truth. While your experiences will be different, my experiences are intended to provide you with a few road markers as you go along your journey.

“Remember that a lone amateur built Noah’s Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.”
Dave Barry

Third, The Professional Disclaimer – I am a lone amateur. While a football play-by-play announcer can relay the action on the field, he (or she) may not, in fact, have actually played football. He did not experience the sting of highly concentrated salty sweat drops stinging his eyes on a hot, August two-a-day, nor had his foot stepped on — multiple times — by a heavy lineman with metal cleats, and he may not of had his index finger dislocated so as to be useless, (but taped to the middle finger, so he could get back in and play, in pain). That said, while I am not a medical professional, I have incurred the full contact and impact of surgery, and that is the perspective I will share with you.

Fourth, The Pet Disclaimer – No animals were harmed in the writing of this book. Even though my coordination was greatly diminished (hard to believe it could have gotten worse), I never once inadvertently stepped on a cat tail. Our three cats actually flourished because I was sitting down so much they received additional petting and attention. They lined up like planes on approach to O’Hare each waiting their turn to land on my lap for love and affection.

The Goo, as she sleeps on her cat bed next to my keyboard.

Fifth, The Writing Style Disclaimer – I have written this book in a series of snapshot stories, examples, suggestions, ideas, checklists and tips. Some people call my writing style pithy, some call it funny (well, hopefully somebody), some call it entertaining (optimistically). One friend said that when she read one paragraph she snorted out a laugh, something she hadn’t done in years. My mother-in-law provided my first critical review when she said, “You wrote it in your typical self-defecating manner.” That was the nicest thing she has said in years.

What You Will Learn About Hip Replacement Surgery

“Here are scores from early NFL games. 28-21, 17-10, 24-20 and in a shocking upset – 35-7. Who saw that coming?”
Weekend Update – Saturday Night Live

Get The Full Score – It is hard to totally understand when you only have partial information. This book was written so you could understand what you might expect for your hip replacement surgery experience. This material is intended to be useful, helpful and to possibly allow you not to make some (many) of the errors I did during the course of my pain through recovery.