Nobody likes to talk about this… but I will. But first, let me grab a sip (“Hey, bartender, make mine a double!”) of this delicious prune juice.

Your New Significant Other – Quite a few people think the post-surgery pain is your most significant hurdle after a hip replacement. Take pain meds and you have constipation. Don’t take pain meds and you have post-surgical pain.

So, there is surgical pain, but for many, constipation is where you really will want relief. Constipation comes from the anesthesia and pain medications you received during surgery plus the subsequent pain pills you take. All those medications lead to significant constipation. I think this was my face…

Yep… I can attest to the classification of ‘very significant.’

Nobody Likes A Stoolie – Except This One – You can’t go the bathroom by yourself in the hospital. You are a danger to yourself and to the hospital’s liability insurance premiums. I attempt to make a ‘go-at-it.’ After helping me up, the staff member stands and waits outside the bathroom door, with better things to do, while I try and muster intestinal fortitude. Nobody likes having performance anxiety with that kind of attentive audience (Plus I was at an unfair advantage as I didn’t have the sports page to read while sitting on the throne.)

How Watching Sophie’s Choice Can Prepare You For Your Constipation Issues (Choose Wisely): Everybody has different pain thresholds and areas of discomfort. I rationalized that either I would take pain pills and have painful constipation, or that I would go without pain pills and have a painful hip.

So… What Did I Do? At least I got to choose which one I wanted to keep, constipation or pain. I elected to go without pain pills. I had two pills in the hospital, but once I got home I quit taking the pain meds. Regardless, there was still enough surgical and post-surgical pain killers in me that it took all those days for the matter of mind to overcome the matter in my intestines.

Jammin’ – Bob Marley Bob Marley Knows How You Will Feel For The First Few Days