Has it really been 30 years since this group last assembled?

1. Skeets, Coop, William, Bill, Coop, Skeets, Randy, Skeets: This master of name re-invention poses for his famous ‘thong’ shot. This image inspired Speedo to design swimsuits for their European client base. Many women to this day, have this very poster in their bedrooms. Skeets is the only person worthy of having ‘in-his-own-image’ mini-me created. He wore it everywhere, long before male neckware was fashionable. Bonus fact- Skeets’ mini-me is thought to be the inspiration for the Austin Powers character of the same name. Currently, Skeets, demonstrating he hasn’t lost his ‘chick-magnet’ appeal, just agreed to be the lead star in Magic Mike Skeets III, IV, V and VI. Skeets also owns his own ‘naming’ agency (What’s In A Name?) specializing in crisis management rebranding.
2. Rookie: Spent a decade working for the Black Panthers in rural Mississippi. He was in charge of recruiting applicants for the Panthers’ ‘Racial Diversity and Inclusion’ program. It was during this time that he developed the skill-set to being able to identify every make and model, of gun and rifle, from a distance of 25 yards – only by ‘crooking’ his neck/head area as he demonstrates in the above picture. Also was an investigative reporter embedded in San Quentin studying sexual orientation changes among California biker gangs in prison. Originally designed to be a four-hour interview but, due to a paperwork snafu, ended up being four years. Claims it changed his life, but not in a positive way. Currently, just trying to live up to his name and trying to get oriented in a big, confusing world.
3. Dirty Al: Was the Captain of the FV Wizard for five seasons before the boat became famous on the Deadliest Catch. He was so successful that the Deadliest Catch required the new captain to facially resemble Dirty Al. Little-known fact, Dirty Al is an avid martial arts fan and claims to be able to lip read both Mandarin and Cantonese so when he is watching dubbed films, he can understand the original intent. He went on to study at the Bruce Lee University near Kowloon. He vehemently denies a Seattle Times investigative report that he is the secret bidder to buy the Seattle cemetery that holds the body of Bruce Lee. Currently, Dirty Al, AKA the Donald Trump of Seattle, is attempting to buy the Space Needle and then tear it down, so he can build a new 15,000 SF home to just hold his vast art and wine collections. He is also eyeing opening a second office in Palm Springs, just because he can.
4. Helgath: A fashion icon, even back then, this timeless photo inspired the ‘look’ and influenced a multitude of shows including Miami Vice. A little-known fact, Helgie worked as an AT&T customer service rep in their Bellingham office to gain an appreciation of proper human interaction techniques. Currently, he is the beloved Godfather of the Lynden Mafia, a group that ruthlessly controls all the cheese and milk processing for the entire city. It is rumored that Helgath launders his vast wealth through the annual Lynden Raspberry Festival. Helgath, working the deep fried raspberry fries booth was quoted as saying, “Get away from me or you will be needing some serious physical therapy.” Those very words, not surprisingly, are allegedly the same last words Jimmy Hoffa heard before his disappearance.
5. Holter: Spent years in wandering around much of America, seemingly only selecting places to live that offered high, high humidity. Those experiences allowed Steve to finally accept Cincinnati as the perfect climate. When asked to describe his negotiation style Steve replied, “It’s a little bit Gandhi, a little bit Mother Theresa.” Those he negotiates against don’t quite describe his style that way. A little-known fact, Holter toured with ZZ Top when he wants to have a longer hair look. Currently, utilizing his vast pharmaceutical background knowledge, and experience as an expert witness for the defense in the Bill Cosby case. The prosecution is attempting to get Holter removed as it is rumored that he was the actor’s main supplier during the 80’s.
6. Moose: Much like other cultists, Moose has his secret Washington state compound that is off the grid and offers privacy and secrecy to his many followers. They often meet to discuss world domination concepts. Cult World Today theorizes that, via the financial contributions to his cult, Moose now owns 90% of all the perfect-condition Mickey Mantle baseball cards. Little-known fact – Moose was the starting Mariner shortstop for the three years after A-Rod left. Moose is also the inventor of the ‘toothpaste rolling machine’ a handy device that squeezes all toothpaste out by using a rolling clip. You probably have seen him on late night TV promoting it. Currently, Moose has only to climb Mount Vinson, the highest peak in Antartica, to complete his quest to summit the tallest mountains on seven continents. A bonus little-known secret, he is still a bit afraid of heights.
7. Tom: Tom went on to star in several Olympics where he ran the 100-meter dash. Winning gold medals each time he competed, he attributes his success to, “I was always a fast jock.” Tom Cruise’s autobiography cites Tom as the inspiration behind Cruise’s most famous movies including, All The Right Moves, Top Gun and the Mission Impossible franchise. Little-known fact – Tom has served as the Official Grand Marshall for 25 different Oktoberfest events. Currently, Tom is the best-selling author of a recipe book on razor clams, The Ultimate Razor Clam Cookbook – My Life Clamming the Pacific Coast of Washington. Tom’s YouTube channel, Clamtastical, is only available to 4-star Michelin chefs and over 95% subscribe.